cindy posted a condolence
Sunday, February 14, 2010
My love, condolences, friendship, and heart to Briana, Lily, Olivia and Anthony as well as to all of to whom Lorraine’s passing left a hollow that we cannot fill, if only in a random dream where she is still smiling among us. Sometimes I feel like Aunt Lorraine is still with me, telling me to add some garlic to a dish, or to not let the kids get away with this or that. I want to hear her childhood stories and walk alongside her to the pastry shop when she was a child, smelling Fundao, seeing her teachers, or to hear her play accordion or watch her sew dresses for baby Briana, to imagine her as a young girl with her friend Isaura, or just last year to see her clandestinely filling Lily up with the sweet treats at the mall that she promptly hid behind her back as mom came back, and proceeded to unabashedly gloat about how well her granddaughter behaved with her… I want to see her holding Olivia and telling everyone about Olivia’s cheerful disposition and I want to see her with my children telling me they are so bright and that she loves them dearly, I want her to remind me again how much more carefree I am with my youngest Julia and how she looks forward to seeing how that plays out in their collective behaviors. I want her criticism and her positive reinforcement, her empathy and her laugh. I am blessed to have most of the images in my mind’s eye. She was so prone to observing children’s development and so ready to fill her chest with pride. I hope she can still see; or do I? The truth is I hope she is fulfilled, finally, with that wonder of what might have been, gone from her mind, absolutely certain that this earthly life was all it had to be and content with the steps she took while she was here, and cognoscente of how she affected us and that every bit of her love was so deeply appreciated and reciprocated. I want her to know Briana is well and well loved; I want her to know how much she herself is loved and missed but not to feel the pain of our grief. I want to hold her hand and not have been lying when I said it would all be ok. If I cannot ask for more I wish her sweet dreams. She always dreamt of houses, big and small, dilapidated or gorgeous. May she now sleep soundly in peace and love and may she be as close to God as anyone can be in the home of her sweetest dreams.
